Afraid to be alone. I don't want to be on my own.
School as usual today. No pe due to sec one interclass competition. Continued doing maths holidays homework. Finished 5 sections, leaving only one more section to go, and it's cleared. (: I laughed like hell in class today with Kirstin and Mingli. To think that i have to leave them next year, as they opted for category one while i opted for category two. ): Sachika wifey was sad today, during mt period. Laopo, you still have hope to go into e1 next year kay? Won't go into e4 dehh (: After school went to slack around and only went home at around 6pm. Lion King Musical, nobody accompanying me go. Don't wish to go anymore. What if i happened to go and i'm all alone? I will just be down there, staring into spaces, and start to emo. Yet, no more vacancies. I cannot even ask my friends to accompany me go. What is this? ):
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Nobody really understand how i feels. Not even him, the one who used to claim that he understand me more than anyone although we only knew each other this year. I can't seem to share anything with him.. Even when i want to.. You was angry at me, when i told everything to Fuping instead of you. You want to know why..? It's because, we're drifting apart. Further and further, and i don't seem to know you anymore. You are no longer the one who i used to know. Yes, maybe i caused this to happen. And now, you're revenging on me by hurting me, more and more. What can i say? You have friends to share me and your matter with, unlike me. If i shared with some friends, they may find you trouble. And i don't wish that to happen. I don't want you to get hurt. I have got no idea who to share my sadness with. I can't trust. Maybe, some of you might be wondering, why aren't i blogging about him instead of other people. It's because, i'm speechless. Nothing to say about him. I can't seem to smile, nowadays too. Not because i don't want to, but i'm trying too hard to. I'm always consoling others, without even sparing a thought for myself. But, thinking back, do they really care for me as well? The same way i cared for them? Maybe, some yes, some no.
I felt that he's avoiding me nowadays. In the past... Yes, i have to admit that i don't know how to face you sometimes. But i'm trying my best to meet up with you.. It's just that... I don't feel secured. That's it. Maybe you are tired of me saying this. And you eventually wants me to leave your life. What happened now? You are being influenced by rumors. You told me that you chose to trust me, but your actions and words have proven you wrong. You don't trust me at all. HAH. Whats the point of me typing out this crap here? You won't even know. If you can feel me, i'm breaking apart now. My heart hurts. Yesterday night, i found out that, me and you is never possible. And even when i wanted to continue with you, you don't let me to. You never told me that, but i can feel it. You aren't replying my texts quickly nowadays. You don't seem to care. Maybe, you won't even cry when the day i left this world. You don't want to spend time with me anymore. You told me that, you will not spend time on me anymore, but instead, on your brothers and friends. My friends have been saying, what a boyfriend you are when you did not reply my texts or accompany me. And now? You continued to skip band... i know you're just trying to avoid me... Appeal to dance..? Yeah, i know that's what you wanted.. haha.. Maybe, what i said, may not be true to you, but it is, to me. I guess, you will never be able to know what i'm thinking, even when you claimed that you know. I'm trying my best, to control my tears, like i said, i will never cry for such things ever again. But yet, i failed to do so. You, always said things which makes me jealous when i'm emo or sad. And hurt me more. I don't know what to say to you. I know this whole chunk of rubbish will be useless anyway.
Ever since you wrote the letters to me, i decided to forgive you... But yet... You continued hurting me, harder and harder each time. I don't wish to suffer anymore. If this continues on, i may go mad anytime. Like what Kirstin showed me today. Pisces are selfish and mean.... I don't want you to be like that too. But you just kept snatching my phone, reading my texts, and then, turn depressed. What can i do..? And then you started spamming me negative messages. Maybe i did not consider your feelings, but ask yourself, did you? You asked me once, what are you to me. I answered, boyf. And now i'm going to shoot you the same question. What am i to you? I guess, someone who don't even worth your tears heh? Remember those times, when you used the chance when i'm snatching back my phone to hold my hand? Remember those times when you used to be so sweet with me? Maybe you don't, but i do. Different people have different view points. Maybe you think you are the one who was hurt deeply, but what about me? You said i have a lot boy-friends, but i say you have a lot girl-friends. I guess you lied. You go around, texting other girls that you love them. And telling them it's real. You did not bother to consider about me. What will i feel? I never... I never hold you against that... But yet... you took me like a criminal, when i texted someone "i miss you" . Why? You can, yet i can't? What a logic. No, this is not the life i want to lead. But why? Why did you continuously giving this life like this? It's like, you should know that i don't text people automatically when i have nothing to ask them about. But, I did. What does this mean? It just means that you're important to me. I feels hurt each time you say that you aren't. Seems like, everything comes to an end, no matter how hard you tried to retrieve it. I guess, it's time.. The time had came... for me to get over you.
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