Afterall i aren't that important to you

 Seems like good things never lasts.

I have been wondering, how long can our friendship last? Forever? I hope so. But i guess... you don't treat me like one bestfriend while i treated you like an extraordinary bestfriend. You ignored me last year... Whether or not is it that you are shy, or you dislike me being so annoying. You don't even mind to say 'hi' to me. I felt so glad that i have you as my best friend..... But it's like.. you don't even care anymore.. I might not be your first bestfriend, but i can proudly say that among your best friends, i treated you best. Agree or not is up to you. My heart seriously aches whenever i think about it. Why are you like this? Got into the same class as you.. Why? Ask yourself why i don't go e1? Yea, i might say it's stressful to be in there, but that's just a sub reason. Main reason is that i dont want you to feel that you are alone anymore.. Am i wrong to choose category two..? Seems like you enjoyed staying at Batam. I know it's good there, because i think this way too. And, you should know very well that i hate jokes like you hate me. but why is it that you are always making the same joke to me again and again? Guess you really hate me... Who was the one who was there when you need her..? Who was the one who accompanied you text all day long? Who was the one... who actually consoled you when you decides to give up on her, despite of all her pains? I wanted you to come back asap, but i don't think you missed me at all, guess i'm wrong about you..? I don't know why i will feel this way.. it's like the whole world is against me, including my two bestfriends. As for my first bestfriend... i felt that she will not treat me as her first anymore. For the reason such that she ignored all my messages, while she actually replied others... and the reason that she seems to be closer to my second girl bestfriend. Best of the best friend doesn't mean you can ignore her messages or calls and only chat in real life. When i'm feeling low, when are you available to text with me, asking me to cheerup..? Maybe, once or twice.


However, i'm glad that sometimes they are there for me, although it's not all the times. Plain hoping that our friendships will never end. People asked me why i kept posting about you.. It's because i love you as my best friend, the one that will give care and concern to me regardless of anything. I missed both my bestfriends, but do they..? Even when they aren't perfect.. I will help them to become perfect, with all my mights.. This boy, he's shy, but i always tried to talk to him. I know he tried his best to, as well. But it hurts me when he don't reply to my 'hi' at all, it scares me that he will return to the last year him, ignoring me for everything even when i did anything to make him talk to me. Maybe this just proofed me that i can't change him. 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生. 我也会怕，怕你会离开我. I told him that i love rilakkuma and korilakkuma, yet, he never buy it for me, but for other.


For the one that used to be my pet, my pinkbean. You used to go out with me, and used to carry my bag for me, but not now anymore.. You have been rejecting to go out with me. I don't know if it's because you're afraid that i might lose my temper again or you just don't want to be with me again. Those things you done.. make me felt that i can rely on you.. When you're sick.. I'm worried. When you're sick, i wanted to send you back home from school, just because i'm afraid that you might faint or something on your way home.. After you had her.. I guess you don't need me anymore. But those days when i ignored you.. i felt so empty inside out. You dont.. don't go out with me anymore.. Remember that time? When you promised to watch 'Kungfupanda2' with me? And that time when we are at bugis mrt station, you said you will buy me birthday present.. You even promised to accompany me on my birthday.. But none of this came true.. I'm sorry that i did not sit beside you when we watched 'hop'. I want to.. but i cant... because things are that perfect as you see. For now..  i just hope that you can go for count down with me..

Let the past be past and start anew.